But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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