FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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