OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
