I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
