Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
