OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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