if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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