I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
