Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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