hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
