paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
