i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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