and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
