You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
