Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
