Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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