Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize