I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
