The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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