He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
