i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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