We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
