the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
