highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
