I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
