I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
