escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
