Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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