I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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