Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
