i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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