Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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