You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
