a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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