you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
