If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
