all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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