seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
