I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
