he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
