That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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