U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're so nebulous sometimes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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