Sponge bath it is.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
