Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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