sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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