we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize