playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
