I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
