Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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