Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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