i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
