Sponge bath it is.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
