I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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