Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
