the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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