Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
