This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
