I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
