1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize