ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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