You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize