You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
