you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
