On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
