i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize