So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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