just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
