i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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