Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
