Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
