I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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