Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize