are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
