I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
