i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
