So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
