Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
