I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
